I want to complete this post before the clock ticks to 1159 PM. There is exactly 30 more days to o levels including today. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I will be left with 29 more days to get prepared. This whole month was totally demoralising. All I felt was demoralised and demoralized. I don't know what's the difference. A friend asked me if I was ready. Honestly, I don't know. That was my reply. I do not have the courage to say that I am well-prepared already. Neither am I entirely unprepared for my national exams.
I know numerous people out there have high hopes on me but I am just not as good as they think I am. Many people keep trying to convince me that I am doing well and shower me with compliments. Honestly, I am not. However, I do not want to let anyone down. I am trying hard to stay focused and take sufficient rest when needed but I realise I'm outrageous. My time management is horrible and my attention span can be as short as 5 minutes. I though I spent a long time studying and when I unlock my phone and look at the time, only few minutes have passed.
''Not what I expected''. No amount of apologies could compensate the disappointment I brought to people who expected me to do well. I don't know how I should improve myself. I always put so much pressure on myself which results in self-doubt. The fear of not being able to meet with the expectations of my own and of others makes me nervous and cause me to perform badly.
I have actually realised earlier on that I have actually been enjoying what I am doing all this while. I mean the subject combination. This is what I wanted and I achieved it when I was a Secondary 2 student two years back. However the fear of not being able to do what I like in the future is drowning me. This is the reason I have worked so hard for but why am I on the verge of giving up now?
These are the thoughts that have been haunting me this entire month. You may think it's no big deal or perhaps I just think too much. Then maybe you're right. I guess we ought to reflect on ourselves and hm different people comes up with different conclusions for themselves. So I'd appreciate if you don't judge mine. Thanks.