Taste like honey

Yesterday was happy sad day. I never did cried before teachers and all my juniors before. It's hard to explain why. People won't understand. Get it? Yes, I did NOT fail any of my subj so far and you'd say "it's just a common test anyway". I really hate to hear that come out from your mouth ok. So you expect me to console myself everytime I do badly for ct or class test with the same excuse? Crap ok. I needed to stop so I did stop aftermath, I picked my my sorrow and chucked it into the bin. Everything was over, I knew I needed to change my mood for the upcoming fun HAHA I won money from blackjack!! :) @ serene's place. I was so lucky I got an extra surprise angbao too. Yes I left around 9 plus reach home almost 10. Dead tired bathed and plop slept @ 11. my hair was not dry yet!! (I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT THIS)
Oh I still can't forget how much fun I had playing balckjack with edi yihui huiyi serene jerald ryan kishan LOL
+++ I saw x10000000000000 cute dogs during canal walk ytd fitness session. I saw weijie running like he has never-ending stamina. I told huiyi how I wish I was like him, so I can run like crazy whenever I'm down, but sadly.. I do not have such fantastic stamina :(

IT'S GETTING PERSONAL HERE....
Stop doing this to me...Nice/cruel you choose. I won't intrude. Don't make me feel like turning back when I have already made up my mind. I don't know if you heard me but I saw you. You know what I like. You know what I've gone through before. So I was expecting you to get the idea when you saw what I was doing. Somehow maybe you did. I was standing there, heads down. I REALLY MISS MY BEST FRIEND. I don't know is it because you feel guilty because you pissed me off the previous night but somehow you knew something not's right(I hope what I guessed is true), you came up to me and said some totally no link sentence. I wanted to talk to you about how terrible I feel @ that moment but I was too weak to do so, within a few sentences, my head hung low and tears started to well up in my eyes..........
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One morning I was really random and started talking to huiyi about how I feel towards marriages and relationships. She told me my point of views are way too negative. Yes I know that. Come and ask me, you will realise my view is totally different from what normally girls my age'd think and wish about their own life's big thing. I said before, I am not someone who can give up what I am doing for something you feel that is more important. I admit I am selfish self-centred & stubborn.

Anyway pls do not add me on fb for no necessary reasons. I was damn reluctant to join it but for the sake of some reasons I had to. did I mention before? I hate this kind of online stuffs
so yea tho I do blogging it doesn't mean I have to love fb! :) So pls stop adding me so my mail won't be flooded! Ty :) Luv.

Feels like something more than a knife stabbing

Hot cross buns X

Hi it's been quite some time. I was busy and...my body started protesting, it was either I'm too depressed or too stressed out. anyway chingay has ended(aww) and common test as well so i'll be pretty relaxed after this week. Only a wee lil nthg to be happy about.

Ok i am going to only elaborate on a few events which are much more memorable. On the 20th, after chingay, me and the girls were sitting on the grass patch the bus driver alighted us @. then jinhui & daniel came over, yongrae was texting eugenia on the phone talking about dance. So the atmosphere got really tensed up and the Sec 4s couldn't take it but to let out our tears. My eyes were so swollen but I act as if nthg happened when I reach home (wth) next day when I woke up was even worst, i felt so sleepy and couldn't open my eyes completely. Anyway we went onto a conference call after we bathed and was on the phone till almost 3am @ night. HAHAHA I laughed so loud
my father came to my room to tell me quieten down as my sist was sleeping LOL!

then on monday i was having this terrible headache since afternn, I thought it will go away after awhile but it stayed throughout even when I was preparing for my geog common test for the next day. It was hurting so much I couldn't take it anymore and went off to sleep~ so i think i am gg to fail my geog which means I have to prepare to come back during march!!! this sucks. I'm so sad cos I think I will pull down my overall CH marks. I was pretty surprised that i got 14/15 for my ss!! I was like damn shocked! LOL Then tuesday which was ytd, is the 23rd the "fei siong" day (temp name). HAHA we girls made a pact that we'd spend every 23rd of each month tgt having lunch(but not only @ fei siong) and doing stuffs tgt :) anyway i had great fun over @ fei siong ytd and i think we pissed the fei siong's staff. All the laughing joking tears & everything else. LOL so fun. Jin hui yongrae and their friends cam over to discuss about some admin dance stuffs. Sigh.. I don't know what to say but it was foolish of jinhui to do that but thanks again. A big thank you to the sec 2 boys, w/o you guys chingay'd not be possible. You guys are more than awesome.
From the very bottom of my heart♥♥♥

oh and before I forgot, I wna thanks SALLY for being my camera man on fri before the perf! So kind of you!! :) :)
I wasn't in a good mood during the second day while doing in our makeup. I wasn't sure why either. I was just not ok. and I was pissed at the littlest things.

A UPDATE ON CHINGAY NEXT TIME PINKY PROMISE ;)

The most boring cny ever

You cannot imagine how my cny was spent
it was terrible and.. some conflicts and things happen in between so it wasn't so joyful afterall.
It sucked basically.

P/s: I love my nails! Hahaha
Bye






I want to go watch movie...


EDITED/

Something to cheer myself up :)

HCNY

I forgot what I wanted to write-.- Anyway it's vday tomorrow. Not excited at all:( I feel very.....empty inside.

Today suck la. So screwed up. I haven't decided what to wear tomorrow. I just told my mum to help me iron all the clothes that are needed to be ironed first lol. My nails like damn screwed up sia. So horrible. I didn't make any appt for manicure and pedicure because there's simply no time at all. So ya, I tried painting them myself until I was so fed up I painted anyhow, and removed it. Gna give a one last try later on.

Then oh, hopefully my lashes would work tmr! So nervous hahaha. I AM MAKING SURE THAT I WILL ENJOY THIS CNY BREAK AND NOT ALLOW ANYTHING TO RUIN MY MOOD. I bought my ZA eye mask!! Finally got hope liaos~~~~ LOL and er...i need to keep reminding myself NOT to snack on new yr goodies cos I can't afford to have a sore throat!

Lastly, I think I must stop the nonsense of no-hair-on-leg thingy. So mad and nonsensical. HAHAHA but it's gorgeous don't you agree? LOL so embarrassing! :P
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I want watch movie :>

Waiting

........................................ Don't know where to start. I just wanna say that I am not perfect. Don't take me for granted and always think that I produce good work. I am human. I do make mistakes. Don't ONLY come to me when you need help. It is so upsetting when this happens. Can't you spare a thought?

I have no more confident in myself. Everything is just not going my way and how it used to be. I have lost hope in everything I do.



THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR JOY AND SORROWS WITH ME. THE FUTURE? IMPOSSIBLE. I WISH I COULD...BUT NO. Sorry

maybe this sorry should be said to myself instead. anyway I'm stronger now, I've got the hang of it on how to handle such stuffs. Hopefully all this feelings will go away soon. Stressed up like mad.



You won't be here I know. I have a piece of foolscap with my thoughts on it. I'm so glad I have somewhere to spam my thoughts. But it still feels terrible inside. Tomorrow is perf. To be very frank, I AM VERY NERVOUS. It's like some shadow behind me, I can't get rid of it. I can only bear with it and try to overcome it. People stop making wild guesses of what I am trying to convey here, you will never get it right. Nobody understands me. Nobody knows or even care what I'm thinking. I'm all alone even if I seem like I'm in a crowd. I still smile and laugh but that's just part of my everyday life. It's like a duty.

gtg bai bai

There is still many things I have yet to do with you

This is like my 200th post after reviving it numerous times. It actually should exceed this number if I never did deleted my old posts. Which i never should! :(

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Firstly, I really really really LACK OF SLEEP. I have been dozing off in class pretty frequently because I am very exhausted, I can even close my eyes when I'm walking la and I lean onto the walls when we stop to wait or something. I need to replenish my sleep like SERIOUSLY.

Anyway on a happier note, cny and vday is just this coming sunday! I have a terrible feeling that this year's vday would be pathetic. Plz prove me wrong... I can't wait to wear my heels out!! haha I don't know if dad's gonna kill me because I'm taller than him but my sis will help me so ah it'z alright hehe! :>

Tomorrow, is physics practical mock exam. I knew, but I forgot about bringing it back to revise. Dumb ass sia. Tsk i have to rush revision tomorrow. Oh and I have been slacking during both my language lessons. I hate being like this but for English lesson the teacher really doesn't gives me any motivation to work hard and listen in class and for Chinese, I never fail to fall asleep. HAHA then Ill have to use my hands to force myself awake.

I wish I can still shop! :( Perhaps this fri or sat if mummy says she will give me the money to do so. If not bai bai to shopping and get ready for cny and common tests! Why must we have so much test after the cny break? AND ANOTHER MOCK EXAM. Great I have to reach home early that day. But i guess everything will have to be pushed behind now :(

LASTLY, I THINK I'M BORN WAY TOO EARLY. IT'S NOT A BAD THING TO BE BORN IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE YEAR ISN'T IT? :)

你的关爱是我要买也买不到的东西

I have to get this off my chest, now.
I am so disppointed in you 2 like how I was during nov last yr.
You broke the promise you gave me. Don't blame me for ignoring you.
I'm so speechless.

Anyway had a good talk on the bus ytd night during 11. It was so cozy!! It felt like we were on our way back to sg from m'sia.
Thanks girls! <3
I think i look shag these days. Not enough sleep i know. People just love to start singing karaoke when i'm about to sleep -.-

Maybe you overheard everything. But that is good, well at least to me. I would never be able to say all this to you face to face.
Perhaps this is the only way. People keep asking me ..... I was like ya don't worry everything's fine :)
but is it really like this? I'm clueless. Stop giving me that sweet stare and the blows~~ it's so....

**************

You know something? Love is actually in the air at this point of the yr but it ain't good love.

I saw, I heard, I ignored

I'm @ a loss for words. Seriously.
I don't know why am I so easily crushed by some trivial matters.
Is it really that trivial? Maybe to people out of the box but not me.
Ahh anyway my classmates are saying that I look tired. Do i?
I feel tired, thus it's another reason for me to stop all that thumb exercise I'm having since long ago. It sucks trust me.
Having dance tomorrow, I feel like having a good chat with my dear dance mates.
Esp dova! Had a long chat with her the last dance pract in range, omg we had exact sentiments!! :)

I typed a few things into my phone today, it's like a diary to me. I have diaries here and there. It's like scattered everywhere.
Considering too much before talking, I end up hurting nobody (which is good) but myself (which is dumb). It's dumb like @@!$%%^$^@!@#!~@#$%#%^!!!!!! I was stoning all the way on my way home today.

1. I want to go somewhere which is serene
2. I can't wait for that damn O's to be over.
3. so that I can stop obeying those rules which aren't necessary at all.
4. i can't wait to graduate so that i can get it off my shoulders, no more you you you you you.(if you think you're one then insert your name in while reading)
5. I want to go out with the girls, its been so long
6. Lazy as ever written so many notes to remind myself to do it and not procrastinate but i still end up lazing ard
7. my memory is failing me tho sometimes it's so much better than my friends lol.
8. tomorrow is fri = your face + weekends are coming!
9. CTs commences next tues :/
10. Stop all the thumb exercising!
11. today sucked.
12. there is english Tmr!!!!!!!!!! (sian x1000000000)
13. Haha dansen owes me a mirror since like 1yr ++ ago, he's still mentioning it to me thou but with no intention to return me lol. but it's ok, i don't bother about mirrors anymore
14. Rehearsal Tmr & the day after, hopefully things goes smoothly! *prays hard*
15. I need to complete my Chemistry worksheet
16. I can't disappoint my teachers and myself,
17. i h8 the canteen food ttm
18. I need that special motivation to continue
19. I'm so afraid I will screw up my physics test
20. I don't know why am I posting so often these days
21. My geog improved so much. From last in class to I don't know, not bad ones LOL for my lousy standard
22. No chinese tomorrow (Y)
23. Please god, let it rain Tmr morning, I H8 FITNESS COS IT'S NOT FITNESS AT ALL. I like the one we did last pe lesson
24. I hate curves + E maths,
25. Fri is polo tee day, something to rejoice about haha
26. Pretty afraid that everything might come back, it's only one week :(
27. I am going to drink some tonic tomorrow, blame it on my weak body :(
28. It has been weeks since I read my novel! Too busy alr :(
29. I (L) my playlist & ps :D
30. I booked appt alr :)

The list justs goes on, but I want to stop here. Bai I am so darn tired, I'll complete my ws and hit the sack. Sleep tight :)

my dumb friend :)

Not disclosing the identity of my dumb friend so er... don't ask :)

Still remember how you'd... :

• help me?
• praise me?
• comfort me?
• hurt me?
• tease me?
• make me happy?

You were once my good friend, you are still now just that we don't contact so often since some incidents... Things have changed during that period, for me I found some other friend to rely on, but i know it's never easy to let go. It takes time. I overcome it. Things are different now.

THIS IS NOT AN EMO POST LOL I just miss this dumb friend all of a sudden since ytd :) k i wns go do something happy now bai!! Oh, my ear piece spoil:(

I miss my dumb friend:(

This song makes me very happy :) Esp when I'm shopping in a store and this song starts playin! ok just something random lol

Anyway I'm pretty fine now things are going smoothly for at least I think so but I still have a feel that I'm trying hard to control my feelings. I have a lot to say but no time to type it all out hereI'm unsure about certain things and seriously I AM DYING TO KNOW. A number of things are causing me to be worried and panick. I don't know it all feels so uneasy.After going thru so much during January, I'm stepping into a new phase of my life where everything will start to change and i think it's time to stop caring so much about people cos some of them don't appreciate, too much egs ard me. HAHA ALL THIS ARE NOT GG TO AFFECT ME ANYWAY I AM STILL ME, STILL HAPPY AT LEAST FOR NOW SO YA :) :)

Tomorrow is going to be a long day ahead ;)