Sometimes I wish that I could be the 2010 me again.
Sometimes I wish the present didn't happen.
Then I think through it thoroughly again.
I have grown out of the memories.
Got use to the current lifestyle I'm leading and moved on from where I stopped.
I'm happy with just being the "me" right now.

I miss how, in the past, everything was planned out for me

Out of the blue, I just told myself to get a proper post done today. And so I am going to do it right now. I’m flushed with thoughts all over my mind, can’t think straight. Anyway just let me start on something… Optimism.

If you’ve been following my blog, then you most probably know that I used to be quite a pessimist few years back until last year. I’d tell you, it never felt good feeling so negative every single day. I believe everyone goes through this at least once in their entire life. I’ve went through it and I pray I’ll never fall into such a pathetic state anymore. I’ve always thought being optimistic was hard. I mean like how many people can stay happy every single day, without having disturbed by the unnecessary thoughts that never fails to disrupt your thinking once a day??? Until I met some cheerful lad that made me thought… Hey life isn’t so bad. If we’re both humans, he can be so happy why can’t I? Then I vowed to be happy as well.

How many chances are we given to live life? Live it good. Everything will eventually fall into place. The bottom line is: Being optimistic is actually pretty easy. I think all we have to do is to switch our mind set from a negative one to a positive one. How difficult can that be? Unless you refuse to accept that there is a good side to everything as well, things will work. You can choose not to trust me though.

On a completely different note, I think the drive and determination to stay grounded to your principles/beliefs are the challenging part. And apparently, I’m facing this problem now. What’s the point by telling yourself “ok I’ll do this and that” and end up doing nothing the next day. I suppose this is the real test. I feel that I’ve made the wrong choice, took the wrong step. Now I am regretting but what’s left for me to do? Suck it up. Pull it through. Get over and done with this mess. I chose the route and I don’t think I should be complaining.

As much as I want to deceive myself, I have to face the facts because to be very honest, I don’t enjoy anything I am doing now. This is the story of my life but it is definitely going to take a turn.

Now I really admire people who fell real hard yet still be able to pick up themselves from the great falls. I wish, hope and pray that I’m one of them.

A MESS

Why I end up happy regardless of how hopeless the days seem

1. I am born with four complete and functionable limbs. I have no disabilities
2. I am born in a complete family. I have a Dad, a Mom and a sibling. I have grandparents.
3. I have friends that makes me think for a moment, "nothing is that bad actually, life is still great as it is"
4. I am provided with proper education
5. I live in a safe and secure country free from wars, riots and even natural disasters.

This is why I am happy I tell myself

I will not be happy anymore... This year.

After some time the same joke is just not funny anymore

Actually I cannot take this pain.
Actually I know it is going nowhere.
Actually I don't know what's the next step

xx

Hi I really want to write something here but I have yet the time to sit down and start churning out my thoughts......................

"Looks like we all went separate ways but somehow we are still together"

Feeling blue

I know you guys will NEVER like make an exception for me just because like today is a special day or something. Even so I still carry the slightest hope with me so afraid to lose it. Yup so much reflection to do................. Please please please not let me lose faith in this fs? I.. Just don't want to contribute or show love any further. I won't ask anything in return because I understand that loving your friends should be unconditional. Likewise, I also understand in order to keep a fs strong, all of us have to work hard. If we are all filled with sincerity, what can go wrong? The problem lies right here

So now I don't have any mood for anything. I have been trying for the whole noon to download the software required for my course into my laptop but every step I encounter problem. I seriously don't get what is wrong with the system. I tried calling in to the service hotline a thousand times but to no avail. It's such a chore and it is getting onto my nerves I swear. How I wish I am enrolling myself into pre-school now.

We can never be honest with ourselves

I don't understand why people can stay depressed for such a long period of time. For me, if I fought and found it not worthwhile, I don't see a point in trying any further. I don't want to waste my time on things or people who don't deserve it. Or you can call this... I don't know whatever you want.

Giving up is easy, as well as moving on. The decision to make changes to your mindset is the toughest. And the key to solution.

It’s when I’m weak, then I am strong. – JJ Lin

Hi been a month or more since I last blogged. How's life going for everyone? I hope it's smooth for you. Mine’s good, more or less…

This is sort of like a comeback for me on this site hahaha. I just hope my posts won't bore you out. Lol so anyway this is still rather unfamiliar to me because I haven't blog in such a long time. Give me some time, I'll try to get back on track. Oh btw, decided to move back to blogger despite the problems it brings me once in awhile, because 'home is the best place to be' hahaha

......I'm actually quite unwilling to start the new chapter of my life which is coming in a month time because there are actually many things I can’t bring myself to let go of. I’ve already graduated from my secondary school and posted to a polytechnic now. Time for a new start. Needless to say, I am very excited to make new friends. Fret not, I will not forget my old friends, you guys mean so much to me :')

Speaking of old, I feel really so old. In addition, I'm paying adult fare now, so it's like double old-ness lol. Sigh I don't want to grow anymore, don't want to turn legal. I just want to stay sixteen forever, that'd be perfect. But they say you're only seventeen once, so I'm going to live it good.



Yessah it’s March! This means two things to me, I’ve pulled through the working days in February and my reward is about to come!!!! *grins from ear to ear* 2011 seems to be moving at a far more quicker speed than 2010 did. Very soon, April is going to arrive and I am going to turn seventeen. All I hope for is a year of blessings. I believe with that achieved, everything else will be good. Just… like how 2010 went. For now, I am still standing strong. “As strong as a rock in a raging sea.” Haha enough of that.

I will try to blog once a week or twice if I can squeeze time out… I will definitely be back because I love writing. I like to write about how I feel towards everything that snapped me. However there is a string pulling me, stopping me from doing so.

Picture credits: Tumblr

What the hell was I doing?

I gave up on my fs few months back. But I think I wanna revive it. Help me?? Entertain me? Treat it as doing a kind deed?? Hahahahaha. Ask me all sorts of qns I will entertain them I swear.

Ok thank you so much. formspring.me/27petals

I really want a musical box...

I’ve been saying this since forever. Where can I get one?

A new beginning

So… 2011 is here. Initially, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about the arrival of 2011. However for some unknown reasons, on the eve of New Year’s Eve, I felt very excited for 2011. I am really looking forward because so many things will be ongoing. Jauary alone will be a blast. I am so happy with myself because I am able to welcome a new year with such an optimistic mindset.

2010 had been too good man. To the extent that it kept me thinking it is the best already. Yes I know I have to stop looking back, I swear I am trying my best to not um look back. I have this tendency to fix my mind on something once I sort of register in my mind that ‘ok this is the best, nothing after that can be better’. Yea this is a rather bad thing. But… I really believe now that 2011 can be better (I don’t know why the sudden change). God please bless me…

Then now I have some questions…

How should I cut my hair?

Should I dye my hair?

When will I get my damn pay?!

Brb

I wish I knew how to sew and knit so I can do something to my old clothes. You know like make them look brand new. I have some ideas in mind but sadly I don’t have such a forte hahahahahaha. Not going to learn something like that too, or maybe I will in the future. I’m more interested in yoga and boxing lol. I mean it!

Moving on to the next phase of life

2010 officially ends when the clock strucks 0000 tomorrow night. What a fruitful year… I quite like it I would say.

2010 wasn’t exactly awesome but at least it was still enjoyable. Apart from all the studying for O Levels, everything else was good. In fact, it was great. 2010 was definitely better than 2009, my character and life wise was a huge leap from how things used to be in 2009. A lot had changed and I’m pretty much satisfied with most of the changes.

I had the time of my life this year. Good and bad ones. Had lots of valuable lessons and beautiful days. Most memorable months would be May and July.

Also, 2010 was an eventful year. I swear. Chingay, the big ‘O’s, Grad Night, Prom Night. Also, international events like World Cup and YOG. Best part would be I’ve finally learnt to let go of the past. Not completely, but so much better than how I used to hold on and made myself suffer. Which wasn’t worth it. Hm this year was the first time in my ten years of education that I had studied my ass out and finally got a scholarship!!!!! Wee so hairpeee hahahhaha. I was also awarded with Eagles Award!!!! Heh kudos to Mdm Zhao! Attained A1 for my MT GCE Os as well, all thanks to Mdm Zhao again. Also had many first encounters this year, had the best birthday in my sixteen years.

Having said that, there are also many last times this year. Like my last day in secondary school and it might also be my last time dancing this year. I’ve made decisions that were right this year. I’ve no regrets this year, done good deeds and committed sins. No matter what I did, God is always there. And most surprising thing of all that happened in 2010 was that I did something I thought I never would.

Lastly, I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing but yeah once again I’m even more confirmed that true love does not exist. Too many people around me have proven that fact to me, even my family. So about that thing that humans are intitally born with 2 heads, 4 legs and hands and yadda yadda. I guess I will not be looking for him and he’s not really interested to look for me either. Maybe he’s gay? Lol that’s nice we can be best friends.

I really learnt a lot in 2010 and I don’t bear to bid goodbye to 2010. Honestly, I think I’m a little unprepared for 2011. 2011 is so unfamiliar to me. There will be changes in 2011. Changes I can’t predict. It might change my entire life. Who knows? What has to come, will come. What I can only do, is to accept whatever’s that coming my way and make the best out of it. Life still moves on so I will still go on looking forward, continue to trust God, keep in touch with my lovely friends, stay grounded to my principles, meet new people and learn new things! Hopefully each year will be better than the previous one time after time just like how 2010 was so much better than 2009.

Cheers to 2011! Reluctantly…

Hi poopies

I am sad. There doesn’t have to be a reason. Nope, not going to tell you guys to leave me alone. Because I don’t want to be alone.

Day 30: Who are you?

Who do you think I am?

I am actually just somebody ordinary. I am not special and I am just like any other girl you see on the street. I am always changing. One day you see me I'll be like this, and few months later, I'll be yadda yadda.

Oh and this is going to be the same about me forever. I swear. If you make me feel comfortable or you're my close friend, I can basically laugh all the time when I am with you. Because there are a lot of things that are funny to me. Like some comercials on the Tv, they have been showing like forever but every time they show it I still can laugh like it's the first time I saw it.

Another thing, I really like to mingle around people who are funny.

Many a time, I don't know what I want. But one thing for sure, I know I don't want a promise from someone that don't stick to their promises.

There is so much you need to know about me but I don't like to let people know who I am. I prefer you to find it out yourself if you're interested.